ENG121 Week 4 – Discussion- Ashford Writing Center - Revision

This is the section that was heavily revised:

The story I chose for this essay is entitled “Tim Gunn and a leaky shower: Welcome to my life little guy”. It was written by Maggie Downs and published in 2015. It is about a mother who had to endure the challenges of parenting until she found a solution by only trying to make things work. She learnt to make things work after watching a television show that had an inspiring character called Tim Gunn. From Down’s story, one can learn that parenting is associated with so many challenges that only need to be assessed and transformed into something manageable since parenting is like the ultimate reality show.

 The story I chose for this essay is “Tim Gunn and a leaky shower: Welcome to my life little guy” and it is about a mother who had to endure the challenges of parenting until she found a solution. The setting of the story is in the house of the author where the shower on the second floor had begun leaking into the underneath garage. A company had been hired by the landlady to repair the shower in the bathroom.  In the story, the mother had to take care of a newborn baby who was one week old even though she was distracted by having to oversee the construction work. The construction work creates problems that make parenting very difficult. There was too much noise from the construction work and the temperatures were also too high for her and her newborn baby. This made it difficult for her newborn to sleep and she had to keep being with him. The situation made her and the newborn son to camp in the living room. However, while watching a television, she learnt from the program she was watching that she only needed to make it work (Downs, 2015).

In the story “Tim Gunn and a leaky shower: Welcome to my life little guy”, Downs (2015) mainly intends to communicate the challenges that mothers face when taking care of their newborns. In conveying this message, Downs is very organized since she starts by describing the origin of the challenges she is facing. She later describes how the challenges are affecting her in the paragraphs that follow. Finally, she gives a description of how she found a solution to the challenges she is facing.

These are my final revised paragraphs based on the Writing Center’s feedback:

The story I chose for this essay is entitled “Tim Gunn and a leaky shower: Welcome to my life little guy”. It was written by Maggie Downs and published in 2015. It is about a mother who had to endure the challenges of parenting until she found a solution by learning how to deal with them. She learnt to make things work after watching a television show that had an inspiring character called Tim Gunn. The character had an inspiring motto of “make it work” that inspired the mother. From Down’s story, there are many challenges with parenting that only need to be assessed and transformed into something manageable since parenting is like the ultimate reality show.

 The story is about a mother who had to endure the challenges of parenting until she found a solution. The setting of the story is in the house of the author where the shower on the second floor had begun leaking into the underneath garage. A company had been hired by the landlady to repair the shower in the bathroom.  In the story, the mother had to take care of a newborn baby who was one week old even though she was distracted by having to oversee the construction work. The construction work created problems which made parenting very difficult. There was too much noise from the construction work and the temperatures were also too high for her and her newborn baby. This made it difficult for her newborn to sleep and she had to keep tending to him. The situation caused her and the newborn son to camp in the living room. However, while watching a television, she learnt from the program she was watching that she only needed to “make it work” (Downs, 2015).

In the story “Tim Gunn and a leaky shower: Welcome to my life little guy”, Downs (2015) mainly intends to communicate the challenges that mothers face when taking care of their newborns. In conveying this message, Downs is very organized since she starts by describing the origin of the challenges she is facing. She later describes how the challenges are affecting her in the paragraphs that follow. Finally, she gives a description of how she found a solution to the challenges she is facing.

A summary of what I learned from the comments;

Based on the comments, I learnt that I need to thoroughly proof read any essay that I write in future. I realized that some of the mistakes I was making could be corrected through thorough proof reading of the work.  The mistakes I made that could be corrected through proofreading are grammatical errors and organization of my thoughts. I also learnt that I need to organize my work thoroughly in a way that anybody can understand what I have written. There are certain things that I was assuming when writing the essay. Such things could make someone who had not read the story unable to fully understand my essay. For, instance, I mentioned the name ‘Everest’ in my original essay without having to indicate that he is the son to the author.

The top three issues uncovered in my work

The top three issues uncovered are grammar, paragraph structure and conclusion. I needed to correct the grammatical errors, organize my paragraphs by deleting unnecessary information and make the conclusion be in line with the thesis statement.

A three- to five-point plan of items I will address or revise for my final critical response essay

I will address the following when revising for my final critical response essay:

Organization of my thoughts.

Delete unnecessary words, sentences and paragraphs.

Expand my conclusion and make it in line with the thesis statement.

The correction of grammatical errors.

My thoughts on how I plan to use the services of the Ashford Writing Center in future courses.

I realized that the Ashford Writing center is very helpful when writing essays. For my future courses, I plan to submit my essay to the writing center for review. This can be very helpful in improving my essay writing skills. I will also conduct the online tutors whenever I have a problem with my assignments or discussions.

Reference

Downs, M. (2015). Tim Gunn and a leaky shower: Welcome to my life, little guy. Retrieved from https://www.pressreader.com/usa/the-washington-post/20150108/283034052950860